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Armor of God Pajamas

I swear, if this was made up as a joke, no one would believe it. But it's real, all right: you get to dress up your kids in their very own cloth-and-cushion Biblical warrior gear (or "mistress," if you have a daughter). You then get to sleep well at night, knowing the Word of the Bible is protecting them from the evils of sin as they sleep! Even better, you can take pictures of them wearing these pajamas…and then use those pictures as blackmail material to keep them under control when they become teenagers. "Be home by ten o'clock, or your girlfriend gets to see these pictures!"

Don't forget to buy the plush dolls and the coloring books, too!