Asquire T.S. Eliot Vicious

'Patron Saint of fropless children.'

You are the moments that you and i need to get a firmer grasp on this chuckle-inducing notion, it's necessary to revisit the intellectual climate of the mid-1970s, when a middle-aged dick was playing host to gun-toting drug dealers and their teenage clients, downing gruesome quantities of speed, and working fitfully on scanner. - Zeppo, on Asquire

The Man of Many Names
The Governor of Teenage Waste Land

The 2 time Bobbie Award Winner
The Captain of the Gay Teen Squad

Hero of Comics, Music, and the Visual Arts
Proud F.E.D.C.O.M.S. member

Born in 1982 (or whatever year it really was, considering the CON's mastery of the Judeo/Christian Calander and the Subgenius powers of time control) Asquire's Birth name was Asquire Winston Justinian Robert Toutaunt Alexader Branch Fredrick Mouldon the III.

Having joined the Church of the Subgenius in 1999 as the second member of "The Kentucky Boys". (founded by Rev. Dr. Lon), Asquire quickly became a consummate behind-the-scenes player in the workings of the church. His writings have formed the doctrine of the faith. His art has been used on numerous church projects. He has appeared on more than five Subgenius albums, appearing on The Hour of Slack for multiple visits.

Ordained as a Saint in 2003, Asquire began an outreach progam for the "The Kentucky Boys" clench, increasing the membership 200%. Asquire apeared on the first three episodes of "Sub-G-TV" (a New York City public televison show, produced by Saint Lupus of Statin Island)

He is known to be an extreme "high-unpredictable", and is one of the most decorated young subgeniuses in recent years. Proclaiming himself Emperor of all existence in mid-2004, he went underground for 4 mounths to release a series of four solo albums.

TIMELINE OF A LEGEND

CH means "clench history"
BH means "band histroy"
IRC means "IRC log"
ALT means "alt.slack event"

PRE-1999
/Rev._Dr._Lon finds "Bob" on the back of a Wierdo #1 Comic by Robert Crumb/

1999

CH Rev. Dr. Lon forms "The Kentucky Boys" clench.
CH APRIL FOOLS DAY - Asquire sends in his 30$
CH Asquire begins a high school ministry.
BH [Uncle Billy's Bathtub Funtime], Asquire & Lon's band, performs the pro-slack classic "Magnificent Sauce" to roaring crowds.

2000

-
CH Asquire serves as at-home correspodent to the Amsterdam Expedition. Pope Black appoints Asquire Chairman of the Frop Cup doping commission.

2001

BH Increased Chances Tour

2002

[X-Day 5]
BH Looking for Love Tour: The Search for Justin Wilson
CH The Kentucky Boy's clench arrives for the first time to Brushwood.
CH Asquire delivers "Pledge Bob", his first public rant.
CH Rev. Dr. Lon loses the staff at Brushwood
ALT Lon's X-Day 5 Report
ALT Asquire's X-Day Report part I
ALTAsquire's X-Day Report part II
ALT Asquire signs alliance with Gov. Rocknar
IRC X-DAY 5 - EVENT
IRC Rev_Justin_Case named Dr.Fuckface

CH STICK LEGEND I "Tests maintain that it is not magic nor does it contain bad mojo" - Cozmodiar, on the discovery of the staff
CH STICK LEGEND II "It's gotta be magical" - DocFrop, on the staff

CH That November [Asquire's artwork debuts in Art Mine 18]

IRC aSqUiReViSiOn debuts in FEFnet.
IRC Asquire's long-term Loging project (OperationCON.LOG.) goes into effect.

2003

BH Asquire releases "The Namesless Album" under the name Numbers & Huxley
CH [X-Day 6]
BH Looking for Love Tour II: The Legend of Stangs Gold
CH Asquire's X-Day 6 Report
CH Asquire delivers "Scream Mo' Fo' 'Bob'"
CH Asquire wins Bobbie Award for Best Ranter/Dancer
CH Asquire recieves the Jacket of "Bob" holy relic
CH Rev. Dr. Lon wins Bobbie Award for Saving Stangs Life

2004

CH Rev. Country Bumpkin dies in chemical fire.
CH Clench membership boom.

2005

2006

CH Asquire & Rev. Dr. Lon create the Adventures of Aaron and Chris
CH Release of Asquires summer preview
CH The Kentucky Boys arrive at X-Day 9
BH Looking for Love Tour III: The One Where We Go Back In Time And Rescue The Whales

CH Asquire releases Asquires 2005-2006 Art Gallery

2007 to NOW

Asquire went underground with fellow clench members Rev.Dr.Lon and Fuckface in mid 2007. Lon, who has been seldom seen (an speculated to have died several times) has remained the most elusive. Fuckface appears seldom, usually to rant. But Asquire can be counted on to be trolling #subgenius usually under a false name.

The whereabouts of all the remaining KY Boy members are unknown…