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Carl is fat, balding, wears flip-flops and a vest and is from Noo Joizey. He lives next door to a wad of meat, a philosophically inclined technological wizard in the form of a portion of fries, and a sadistic egoist called 'Master Shake', who is a milkshake. Carl's house, car, mind and body are frequently violated with bizarre ingenuity by his neighbours, yet his example shines throughout each mishap as that of a paladin of hapless slackfulness.
See 'MC Pee Pants', 'Super Squatter'and 'Total Re-Carl' among other gems for how Carl qualifies, and after that, why not play freakin' strip poker with him at www.adultswim.com/games
A dip in Carl's pool would purge us all of the poison of the CON.