HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. Seriously. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD.
I got this movie because DEVO stars in it, and well, I knew it was supposed to be one of the worst movies ever made, but I thought it'd be an enjoyable bad. It was, for the first.. oh, 20? 30? minutes? But then, like when I subjected people to watch my television show for 3 hours or so, the laughter turned to horror when my roommate and I realised IT WASN'T GOING TO END. The tape box says it's 83 minutes long. I say it's more like fifty hours. This is fuckin' DEEP HURTING here. Afterwards, I actually had a dull headache.
I can't find the rating for it in the IMDB, but I seem to recall it being rated R (at least the original cut was, I think the version I watched was an unrated director's cut or something, since it was missing a line from the We're All DEVO video), and well, if it was, it was out of SHEER BADNESS, as the only offensive thing, other than the quality or lack there of, was Mark saying "fuck" once, and I know that doesn't warrant an R. Maybe the weird Milk Bath sequence that my roomate only figured out after staring at it for a while trying to figure out just what the fuck was happening.
For those who are curious, here is the plot outline, best as I can figure. There are some spoilers in here, but for a movie like this, the eternal question must be asked: DOES IT FUCKING matter?!
- There's a restaurant. The owner died of radiation poisoning, leaving his son, Al From Quantum Leap, to run the place, and he does like an asshole.
- DEVO are the generic Punk Youth Nuclear Technicians.
- A waitress wants to be a singer.
- A complete dink, played by Neil Young, duh, drops 50 IQ points for the rest of the movie when he sees the waitress singer.
- The waitress singer and the other waitress are Inexplicable Whores.
- After attempting to fix Mother Goose's limo, Neil Young gets conked on the head and has a 20-30 minute hallucination depicting:
- the "Come Back Jonee" video, only different shots from same.
- a video for a Neil Young song
- DEVO and Neil Young AS DEVO & Neil Young (i.e., not in character) jamming in the studio on (an actually really awesome) "Hey Hey, My My" for 10 minutes
- Neil Young comes to, and it's revealed he's only been out for 2 or 3 minutes.
- The entire Non-DEVO cast does an ABYSMAL song and dance routine to "Worried Man".
- The bombs drop, because you see, it was a combination Nuclear Power Plant and Warhead Manufacturing Plant, killing everyone.
- Everyone goes to heaven as the credits roll.
- You sit there like a gibbering fool wondering what the fuck just happened.
I think I got everything, but I may have left some stuff out. But it doesn't really matter.
At least it was educational. These are the things I learned from Human Highway:
- Nuclear Power is bad, because if there was no Nuclear Power, that movie wouldn't have been made.
- Neil Young just DOESN'T KNOW WHEN TO QUIT…. during the one 10 minute jam session with DEVO, the last minute and a half is Neil Young fucking with Booji's synth after DEVO's put down their instruments and started looking hell of bored, not to mention other scenes depicting Young's inability to know when to quit. Hell, pretty much the whole fucking movie.
- Neil Young apparently has a thing for Booji Boy. Not so much Mark, mind you, but Booji. A Being John Malkovich reference is left as an exercise for the reader.
Amusing things: The owl hiding, as it was the only thing with the good sense to know that this movie would ruin his career. Of course, the wooden Indian wanted to hide too, but being made of wood, it just had to sit there and take the various and sundry "Kaw-Liga" jokes we made about it.
Oddly enough, as bad as this was – it's sort of an intriguing bad, and I'd actually really like to see Neil Young's newest movie, Greendale. But, then again, I'm a bit of a glutton for punishment.