- I did another meditation exercise last night, though I don't feel that it was as successful as the last time. I was more physically tired than before, and I kept nodding off, but the instructor's voice woke me up again. Also, I realize that I can't keep replaying a pre-recorded meditation lecture, because the fact that I'd heard it all before actually lessened my concentration and made it harder to focus. I've downloaded a couple of white noise loops from here: [1]. Next time, maybe on Sunday, I'll try it myself and see if I can meditate for a while without falling asleep. One other thing that affected me, I think, is that I've been intentionally holding off on the method most often suggested for beginning magicians to achieve gnosis. (I'm sure that's easy to figure out; and yes, it's intentional.)
- On the plus side, I can recall at least one instance where I saw a flash of an image in my mind's eye – a split-second image of a glowing TV screen. There was nothing on the screen, it was blank, white, and glowing. Considering that I was meditating in a dark room and had been so for a good fifteen minutes or so when that image occurred, I know that wasn't an afterimage from my PC screen; it was something that had been created in my mind's eye. So far, these images have been occurring only fleetingly, and they seem to be largely random. I presume they're generated in my mind in the same manner that happens when I dream. If it means I'm drifting to sleep and these are actually dreams I'm seeing, then I still consider this a success. I've told everyone I know, repeatedly, that I simply cannot remember my dreams. There have been perhaps four or five instances in my entire life where I remember my dreams for more than a few seconds after I wake up…and that includes the time, about a year ago, when I experienced sex magick. So, if this meditation is actually causing me to remember flashes of my dreams, then it's still more than I'd been able to accomplish previously. Not bad for a beginner, I hope. I'm not at the point where I can declare that I've achieved gnosis, but I know it's there if I work at it.
- This weekend I'm heading out to look for Liber Null/Psychonaut in the Boston area. Fortunately, the biggest New Age book store in the area, Seven Stars, is located right in Cambridge, and I'm fairly certain I'll find it there. It will give me an excuse to wander around the Cambridge and Boston area tomorrow. It's supposed to be dry but cloudy with "more clouds than sun," and "increasingly windy." I wonder if I can get away with wearing my long coat tomorrow.
- Also on tomorrow's agenda: get some Halloween trinkets. Jessica suggested I give away toys on Halloween, and I like that idea; so I'll look in the dollar stores for bags of little toys. On Halloween I'll fill up my 9-quart cast iron pot and let kids grab them out of there. I haven't given up on my plan to cook, however; I'm still pondering a way to do so.
- While I'm in Cambridge and Boston tomorrow, I think I'll head to Savenor's and see what else is there in the way of exotic meats. The wild boar sausage definitely gave me a taste to try something unusual, and I'll see what I can find. It doesn't have to be as unusual as wild boar…perhaps something with fish. In fact, after a Google search for a combination of "dutch oven," and "fish," I came up with this recipe for fish chowder. It's a big dish and it says it yields "16 cups," so if I cut it to one-half or even one-third, it should make a nice dutch oven meal. I can even make some rice to go with it as a side dish.