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Seven Swords

Tsui Hark's half-assed version of Seven Samurai and The Magnificent Seven. It would be a quarter-assed version except it looks so fucking good. Medieval Chinese death metal baddies including a HAWT goth blood-licking babe. Many instruments for the severing of heads, including an Umbrella of Death and big claws on a stick. The good guys tumble and pose heroically with their super magical swords. But because Tsui Hark decided he just couldn't kill off any of his heroes, the film lacks the tragic element needed for the drama to succeed… c'mon, remember when James Coburn is dying and he get ups and his last defiant act is to throw his knife? That isn't there. This is cheap candy, not red meat.

– Review by Sifu SODDI