Just got out of the show, into the cold rain, and warmed up my PC long enough to post this in haste.
This is actually a GOOD MOVIE (by today's standards). It is not overly laden with anything gay, except perhaps Ian Mackellan and an albino monk that seems to be having a little too much fun whipping himself and flexing his alabaster buttocks. And the lovely Tom Hanks, a Cleveland boy,
I had forgotten actually that he's one of my favorite actors, and does pretty good in his professor turns 007 turn in this flick. The French girlie, I'm sure, has only recently shaved off her mustache and prolly has never attacked the bushes under her armpits, and Jean Reno hasn't bathed or shaved since The Professional, rest assured.
But what can I say. The flick opens with Hanks presenting at a lecture using a multimedia show that could have come right out of a Devival. The only thing missing was Dobbsheads. So they go to a few places around Europe here to figure out this Rubik's cube thing that will open up with the right password and reveal them a map to the Holy Grail, and then there's a double cross with the Vatican shadow group behind Opus Dei, and basically they go to all the places the Discover Channel went to in this thing I saw about the same shit several months ago.
Only this time, they hit paydirt, and right next to Jimmy Hoffa they find all the proof they need because…I can't believe this…the password is the name of a big trendy computer company (oddly enough, NOT Microsoft).
Which doesn't give anything away except that they eventually find the list of all of JC's descendants clear up to modern times. Now the other bizarre connection to all this is that the name St. Clair figures in heavily right at the very end. Which is funny because that's the middle name of someone who's my neighbor here, at least that's what is on his driver's license.
Which made me think one thought further, I suppose, than any other non-SubGenius in the theater did and for the next few days I'm going to be looking over my shoulder for Knights Templar if it turns out I deduced something special that I shouldn't a knowed!!! But hey, sir Knight, it's
just a frigging MOVIE after all.
So pretty much the movie tried to solve the age old question of whether it was better to pray in proximity to One particular dead person than, say, ANOTHER one. I don't see much of a difference actually, although I'm hip to the fact that this question, improperly answered by Og, resulted in a fellow apeman's flinging poo at him, and started off the very First Schism.
A special note to the excellence of the creepy Albino Monk who was even creepier than those Twins from the Matrix, although the French quim looked like she was out of the sun even longer than Friar Tuck there.
Mmm…even another Matrix reference, the Mirovingians…ohh it's all coming clear to me now…
I REALLY HAVE TO PEE! It's a long movie and I should have taken care of this before I sat down and wrote this.
ALMOST…three thumbs up!!! OK then, two thumbs and a wink of the third eye. I have to take that much away because the movie was made in France mostly. Hey, there's even a reference to multiple penii. What more do you want from Hollywood these days?
– review by iDRMRSR