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Royal Priest Research

"Channeling" is one of the most lucrative and profitable areas of New Age silliness, and there's a reason behind this. When you offer your services as a "channeler," you get to make up any ridiculous spaced-out crap that comes into your head, and pass it off as "channeling" -- in other words, you're having a psychic conversation with the soul of some other person, alive or dead. If your delusions are so unreal as to seem unlikely to belong to any human being, then that's even better! You can then say you're channeling the thoughts of an extraterrestrial being or even someone from the future! Which is where Lyssa Royal comes in. She's made a career for herself of doing exactly this: "channeling" the thoughts of aliens, UFOs, and dolphins (she really loves dolphins, as you can see on her Web site) and passing them all off as beings superior to us puny humans.

Book review, October 6, 1996:

In the SubGenius Holy Tome High Weirdness by Mail, Stang complains how all of these namby-pamby New Age publications are similar to each other: they all push the same boring "School of Light" "Higher Consciousness" "Love" junk that just makes you want to get on your knees and retch. Recently I found a book that illustrates this principle admirably:

Future Sex
by Stephen A. Davis
(with channelings by Lyssa Royal)
Published in 1991 by Personal Enhancement Press, Phoenix, Arizona

"Channelings" by Lyssa Royal? That's right, folks: more than half of this book is comprised of the silly ravings of a lady who apparently believes (or believed; it's been five years since the book was published and things may have changed since then) she's engaging in psychic rapport with the denizens of other solar systems. And the topic of this particular conversation is the universal language: SEX.

According to the blurb, this boom promises (promised?) to be the first in a series of "Future" books, with such titles as "Future Gods, "Future Kings, "Future Loves," and "Future Thoughts" following afterwards. The book about SEX was probably published first because it's the obvious money-maker here: even the New Age kooks know that a book about SEX is more likely to make money than a book about "Future Lives."

And so, the first half of this book consists of imaginary "conversations" with the alleged resident the constellation Orion (the name of this alien is Akbar - any relation to Admiral Akbar from "Star Wars?"), the Pleiades, Zeta Reticuli I and II from the Southern Cross, a planet five-hundred light-years away (and 300 years in our future, too!), an energy being called "Germane," and a couple of dolphins near Hawaii. Hoo boy. Interestingly enough, *all* of these alien beings are far more enlightened than us (even the dolphins) when it comes to sex: in the Pleiades there is no PMS, while Akbar's people regard women as the highest ideal and have no problems whatsoever with polygamy. Essentially, all of these so-called channeled beings describe their sexual lives in a manner designed to make the readers of the book jealous. This is the key point of this silly New Age stuff: We should all try to be like the Space Brothers. Us mere "humans" are backwards-thinking primitives compared to the enlightened, wise, beneveloent, and erotic Cosmic Beings Out There, so we should get off our asses and start having FUN when we have sex, just like everyone else in the Universe does.

But at the same time, this message is also a point in this book's favor. After we get past the ridiculous imaginary conversations with aliens, energy beings and dolphins (there's even a reference to the movie "Cocoon," which is mentioned by name), the second part of the book settles into a long Rant about how we should HAVE SEX FOR THE FUN OF IT, instead of bogging ourselves down with rules and guilt complexes. While I don't see this happening at any time in the near or far future, it does make a philosphical point. A single nine-page chapter called "Sex Is Not A Four-Letter Word" essentially dishes out some words of commen sense about how sex is perceived by society and the media, and how we've invented myths like "masturbation will grow hair on your palms and make you go blind" as part of the Conspiracy's ongoing efforts to keep people afraid of sex. This single chapter is the heart of the whole book, and everything that comes before and after it is just fluff; it's padding added on to give some weight to this opinionated editorial, as well as to sell more books.

And in the final part of the book, Davis reveals the shocking fact that he had an affair with another woman, but his wife forgave him for it. (GASP! No! It can't be!) For him, this was proof that the whole idea of monogamy is a ridiculous one, and people should be able to boff anyone they want. Is it a coincidence that this is the same opinion expressed by the "aliens" in the first part of the book, I wonder? Gee, I don't suppose he compiled this whole thing as a way of trying to say, "I wanna go and have sex with lots of people, and we should all be like this too because the Space Brothers say it's okay."

And people think "Bob" Dobbs is weird?

On one hand, Davis scores some points by suggesting that society's view of sex is forced upon it by the Government and the Church (he prints those with capitalizations). But on the other hand, he sees this bulldada about the Space Brothers as some kind of rationalization for his extramarital affair. His wife contributed to the book and apparently they were still together when the book was published. Are they still together today, I wonder?

Maybe I'll commune with Akbar and Cahna the dolphin and find out.