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Failure Bowls

Difference (from prior major revision)

Changed: 1,2c1,3

< [[image:failurebowl.jpg]]
< A simple recipe inspired by comedian
Patton Oswalt and his ode to KFC's Famous Bowls:

to

> [[image:chicken-nuggets.jpg]] [[image:chicken-bowl.jpg]]
> [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnZHULIIXX8 YouTube]: ''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnZHULIIXX8
Patton Oswalt's Failure Bowls]''
> Here's how Patton Oswalt, the comedian, ruined Kentucky Fried Chicken for me:

Changed: 4,17c5,13

< * 1 12-to-20-ounce package of prepared chicken nuggets from your local supermarket
< * 1 can creamed corn
< * 1 can sweet corn
< * 2 packages of flavored mashed potatoes
< * 1 can chicken gravy
< * 3 cubs beef bouillon, to add to the gravy
< * 1/2 bag shredded cheese

< Now, I should mention that you ''could'' prepare this yourself without the pre-packaged ingredients, and it would probably be more nutritious and healthy that way. But that would negate the entire point of the KFC Famous Bowl: fast food thrown together in a single bowl for your convenience.
< This recipe shows that the KFC bowl is really just a shepherd's pie made with chicken nuggets instead of ground beef. Simply prepare the mashed potatoes, open the package of chicken nuggets and the can of corn, and lay them out in a 12-to-15 inch cooking pan. Be sure to drain the sweet corn but not the creamed corn, so it won't be watery. Start with a layer of mashed potatoes, then a layer of corn, then a layer of chicken nuggets. In a separate bowl, mix the beef bouillon into the gravy. Pour the gravy over the nuggets, and top it off with another layer of potatoes. Spread the shredded cheese over the top layer of potatoes.
< Bake in the oven at 350 degrees for 30 minutes, until the cheese is melted.
< The portions shown here will give you two or three heaping bowls of failure. Scoop it out, add salt and pepper and whatever seasonings you like, and serve.
< : (An addition suggestion from an anonymous contributor: "If you truly want an authentic KFC experience, I suggest adding a cup of ground pepper, and cook it for two hours to get that nice, crunchy, dried-out consistency.<nowiki>")</nowiki>
< ----
< == A Failure Bowl With Less Fail ==

to

> Now, I love the KFC famous bowl, and so does Patton Oswalt. He's said so himself. But now, every time I eat KFC chicken, this statement comes to mind: ''I want a failure pile in a sadness bowl!''
> So, we could either be upset that
he's having some fun with a popular greasy fast food dish that, really, does deserve this treatment. Or, we could do something better and make one of these failure bowls, especially inspired by this routine. And that's what we're doing here: breaking out our trusty cast iron, and making a copycat of the KFC famous bowl...or rather, a failure pile in a sadness bowl.
> Frankly, this was a lot of fun to make, and if this a bowl of failure, then I'll sign up for it and fail some more. This is good stuff, and it's certainly worth trying yourself, whether or not you buy it at KFC or make it yourself.
> '''Pans needed:'''
> * [[Cast Iron|Cast iron dutch oven or chicken fryer skillet]] to prepare chicken nuggets
> * Mixing bowl, or plastic container with a lid, to prepare the chicken seasoning and breading
> * Wire rack to rest the fried chicken
> * Stock pot or dutch oven to prepare mashed potatoes
> * [[Cast Iron|Cast iron skillet]] to make the gravy

Changed: 19,34c15,37

< * 2 to 3 pounds boneless chicken breasts
< * Spices:
< ** 3 tablespoons salt
< ** 3 tablespoons garlic powder
< ** 1 tablespoon
dried basil
< ** 1
tablespoon ground marjoram
< ** 1 tablespoon
ground sage
< ** 1 tablespoon ground black pepper
< **
1 tablespoon ground white pepper
< ** 1 tablespoon
paprika
< ** 1 tablespoon onion powder
< ** 1 teaspoon dried oregano

< ** 1 teaspoon tarragon
< ** 1 teaspoon chili powder
< * 3 cups flour

< * 2 eggs, whiskedg>

to

> [[image:frying-nuggets.jpg]]
> You can make the chicken nuggets in advance and store them in the refrigerator, then re-heat them when the potatoes and gravy have been made.

> * 2 to 2 1/2 pounds boneless skinless chicken breasts
> * 2 cups buttermilk
> ** (Alternately, you can mix 2 cups whole milk with 2 tablespoons vinegar. Let the milk and vinegar rest for 20 minutes to curdle the milk.)
> * 1/2 quart oil for frying
> * "Copycat" KFC chicken seasoning:
> ** 2 teaspoons
salt
> ** 1/2 teaspoon thyme
> ** 1/2 teaspoon basil
> ** 1/3 teaspoon oregano
> ** 1 teaspoon celery salt
> ** 1 teaspoon black pepper
> ** 1 teaspoon dried mustard
> ** 4 teaspoons paprika
> ** 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
> ** 1 teaspoon ground ginger
> ** 3 teaspoons white pepper
> * 2 cups bread flour
> With a good knife, cut the chicken breasts into nuggets. Add them to a bowl, pour in 2 cups buttermilk. Cover the bowl, place in the refrigerator, and let the chicken soak in the buttermilk for at least two hours. During this time, make the breading for the chicken by mixing spices together in a large bowl. Add two cups bread flour. Use a whisk and mix it thoroughly.
> After about an hour and a half, add 1 pint (1/2 quart, or two cups) of oil to a deep skillet or dutch oven. Heat the oil to around 365 degrees.
> While the oil is getting close to frying temperature, above 325 degrees Fahrenheit, add the coating to a large container with a lid, or sealed plastic bag. Remove the chicken pieces from the butter milk, add them to the container, and shake everything to coat the chicken. Remove the chicken pieces, and let them rest while the oil heats to the right temperature.
> Add chicken nuggets to the hot oil. Fry 3 1/2 minutes, turn them over, and fry another 3 1/2 minutes. Remove the chicken nuggets from the oil, place them onto a rack to cool and drip the excess oil.

Changed: 36,38c39,42

< * 1 1/2 pounds of potatoes -- Yukon potatoes make the tastiest mashed potatoes, but russet or red potatoes work fine
< * 5 tablespoons (1/2 stick) butter
< * 3/4 cup heavy cream

to

> * 1 1/2 pounds of potatoes -- Yukon potatoes make the tastiest mashed potatoes, but russet or white potatoes work fine
> * 1 tablespoon salt
> * 4
tablespoons (1/2 stick) butter
> * 1/2 cup whole milk

Changed: 42c46,48

< * 1 can (15 ounces) sweet corn kernels

to

> * 1 teaspoon ground black pepper
> Don't peel the potatoes -- the skin adds taste and nutrition. Wash the potatoes, then slice them in half for faster cooking. Put them in a saucepan or dutch oven. Fill the pan with water until the potatoes and
corn are mostly covered, but not entirely covered. Add a tablespoon of salt. (This amount of salt is to make the water salty; most of the salt will remain in the water without being absorbed into the potatoes.) Cover the pot, bring to a boil and boil on high for 20 minutes, until the potatoes are soft.
> When the potatoes are ready, drain the water. Add the additional ingredients for mashed potatoes: butter, milk, basil, parsley, pepper. Mash everything together into a creamy potato and corn mash.

Changed: 44c50,51

< * 5 tablespoons flour (more if needed, to thicken the gravy)

to

> * 3 cups boiling water
> * 1/2 teaspoons (3 cubes) beef bouillon

Changed: 46,48c53,54

< * 1 cup chicken broth
< * 1 beef bouillon cube
< * 1/4
teaspoon black pepper

to

> * 4 tablespoons flour (more if needed, to thicken the gravy)
> * 1/2 teaspoon black pepper

Added: 50a57,58

> Boil water, mix in bouillon. This will be added to the roux to make the gravy.
> For the roux, melt 4 tablespoons (1/2 cup) butter at medium heat in a large cast iron skillet. Continue stirring the melted butter, and mix in the flour, a little at a time. This will become a thick roux. Add bouillon water, a little at a time, and whisk vigorously until it thickens into gravy. Mix in pepper, garlic powder and ground sage. If the gravy is too thick, add more water and whisk until it reaches the right consistency.

Changed: 52c60,61

< * 4 ounces grated cheddar cheese

to

> * 3 ounces (about three tablespoons) sweet corn kernels
> * 1 ounce
grated cheddar cheese

Changed: 55,67c64,81

< This recipe covers the important parts of making "imitation" KFC chicken and mashed potatoes. You really don't have to mix all of this together in a bowl. As Patton Oswalt said in his monologue, you could just serve them on a plate. Of course, doing something as sensible as that would make this recipe less "fail."
< The chicken can be made in advance, a day or more. That way, you can keep the chicken nuggets in the fridge until it's time to prepare the other parts of this meal...assuming the chicken nuggets last that long before being pilfered by sticky fingers belonging to hungry kids.
< Pre-heat your oven to 425 degrees Fahrenheit for the chicken.
< Prepare two large plastic or Tupperware containers with lids, and a large bowl for dipping the chicken in the eggs. The separate plastic containers are to allow double-dipping of the chicken, before and after coating with eggs.
< In a bowl, mix together all of the chicken seasoning spices. Add flour and mix it all together. Add half of the flour mixture to each plastic container. Break the eggs into a separate bowl and whisk them together.
< Cut the chicken breasts into smaller, nugget-sized or chicken-strip-sized pieces. Place them in the first plastic container, close and seal the lid, and shake it all to coat the chicken with seasoning. Take each piece of chicken, dip it in the bowl of egg, and place it into the second container. When all of the chicken pieces are coated with eggs and in the second container, seal the lid again and shake it all to coat the chicken a second time with seasoning.
< Place the chicken on a baking sheet (I like using a large [[Cast Iron|cast iron skillet). Bake in the oven at 425 degrees for 15 minutes, turn over with tongs, and bake for 15 minutes more. Move the chicken pieces to a rack and let them cool, while preparing the mashed potatoes and gravy.
< Don't peel the potatoes -- the skin adds taste and nutrition. Wash the potatoes, then slice them in half for faster cooking. Put them in a saucepan and add the corn. Fill the pan with water until the potatoes and corn are mostly covered, but not entirely covered. Add a tablespoon of salt. (This amount of salt is to make the water salty; most of the salt will remain in the water without being absorbed into the potatoes.) Cover the pot, bring to a boil and boil on high for 20 minutes, until the potatoes are soft.
< Place a large cast iron skillet on the stovetop when you begin heating the pot of potatoes and corn. Heat the pan slowly, at only about low-to-medium heat. When there are about 20 to 25 minutes left for the potatoes to boil, prepare the gravy. Add butter to the pan, melt the butter, and add flour. Stir it all together into a roux.
< When the potatoes are ready, take the pot with the potatoes and drain the water. Mash the potatoes good, and fold in three tablespoons of butter. Mix in 1/4 cup heavy cream, and blend until the potatoes are moist and creamy. Add 1/2 teaspoon garlic and 1 teaspoon dried basil.
< After removing the chicken from the pan, scrap the drippings off of the cooking sheet into a bowl. Add 1/4 cup flour and 1/2 cup chicken broth, mixing it together to produce chicken gravy. If it's too thin, add a little more flour to thicken it. You can add more of the chicken seasoning spices if you want more flavor in the gravy.
< When the chicken and potatoes are ready, prepare the bowl. Start with a layer of mashed potatoes, then a layer of corn, then a layer of chicken pieces. Pour the gravy over the chicken, and top it off with another layer of potatoes.
< Add ground black pepper and salt (optional). Finally, cover the top of the bowl with grated cheese. Serve while still hot.

to

> Prepare the bowl. Start with a layer of mashed potatoes and gravy, then add corn. Add a layer of chicken pieces. Sprinkle shredded cheese over the chicken, and top it off with more gravy. Add ground black pepper and salt (optional). Serve while still hot.
> [[image:bowl2.jpg]]
> ----
> == A Failure Bowl with More Fail ==
> [[image:failurebowl.jpg]]
> If you don't want to take the time to make each
ingredient in this dish from scratch, give this one a try:
> * 1 12-to-20-ounce package of prepared chicken nuggets from your local supermarket
> * 1 can creamed corn
> * 1 can sweet corn
> * 2 packages of flavored mashed potatoes
> * 1 can chicken gravy
> * 2 cubes beef bouillon, to add to the gravy
> * 1/2 bag shredded cheese
> Now, I should mention that you ''could'' prepare this yourself without the pre-packaged ingredients, and it would probably be more nutritious and healthy that way. But that would negate the entire point of the KFC Famous Bowl: fast food thrown together in a single bowl for your convenience.
> This recipe shows that the KFC bowl is really just a shepherd's pie made with chicken nuggets instead of ground beef. Simply prepare the mashed potatoes, open the package of chicken nuggets and the can of corn, and lay them out in a 12-to-15 inch cooking pan. Be sure to drain the sweet corn but not the creamed corn, so it won't be watery. Start with a layer of mashed potatoes, then a layer of corn, then a layer of chicken nuggets. In a separate bowl, mix the beef bouillon into the gravy. Pour the gravy over the nuggets, and top it off with another layer of potatoes. Spread the shredded cheese over the top layer of potatoes.
> Bake in the oven at 350 degrees for 30 minutes, until the cheese is melted.
> The portions shown here will give you two or three heaping bowls of failure. Scoop it out, add salt and pepper and whatever seasonings you like, and serve.
> : (An addition suggestion from an anonymous contributor: "If you truly want an authentic KFC experience, I suggest adding a cup of ground pepper, and cook it for two hours to get that nice, crunchy, dried-out consistency.<nowiki>")</nowiki>


chicken-nuggets.jpg chicken-bowl.jpg

YouTube: Patton Oswalt's Failure Bowls

Here's how Patton Oswalt, the comedian, ruined Kentucky Fried Chicken for me:

YouTube: Patton Oswalt on KFC Famous Bowls

Now, I love the KFC famous bowl, and so does Patton Oswalt. He's said so himself. But now, every time I eat KFC chicken, this statement comes to mind: I want a failure pile in a sadness bowl!
So, we could either be upset that he's having some fun with a popular greasy fast food dish that, really, does deserve this treatment. Or, we could do something better and make one of these failure bowls, especially inspired by this routine. And that's what we're doing here: breaking out our trusty cast iron, and making a copycat of the KFC famous bowl…or rather, a failure pile in a sadness bowl.

Frankly, this was a lot of fun to make, and if this a bowl of failure, then I'll sign up for it and fail some more. This is good stuff, and it's certainly worth trying yourself, whether or not you buy it at KFC or make it yourself.

Pans needed:

Chicken Nuggets

frying-nuggets.jpg

You can make the chicken nuggets in advance and store them in the refrigerator, then re-heat them when the potatoes and gravy have been made.

With a good knife, cut the chicken breasts into nuggets. Add them to a bowl, pour in 2 cups buttermilk. Cover the bowl, place in the refrigerator, and let the chicken soak in the buttermilk for at least two hours. During this time, make the breading for the chicken by mixing spices together in a large bowl. Add two cups bread flour. Use a whisk and mix it thoroughly.

After about an hour and a half, add 1 pint (1/2 quart, or two cups) of oil to a deep skillet or dutch oven. Heat the oil to around 365 degrees.

While the oil is getting close to frying temperature, above 325 degrees Fahrenheit, add the coating to a large container with a lid, or sealed plastic bag. Remove the chicken pieces from the butter milk, add them to the container, and shake everything to coat the chicken. Remove the chicken pieces, and let them rest while the oil heats to the right temperature.

Add chicken nuggets to the hot oil. Fry 3 1/2 minutes, turn them over, and fry another 3 1/2 minutes. Remove the chicken nuggets from the oil, place them onto a rack to cool and drip the excess oil.

Mashed Potatoes

Don't peel the potatoes – the skin adds taste and nutrition. Wash the potatoes, then slice them in half for faster cooking. Put them in a saucepan or dutch oven. Fill the pan with water until the potatoes and corn are mostly covered, but not entirely covered. Add a tablespoon of salt. (This amount of salt is to make the water salty; most of the salt will remain in the water without being absorbed into the potatoes.) Cover the pot, bring to a boil and boil on high for 20 minutes, until the potatoes are soft.

When the potatoes are ready, drain the water. Add the additional ingredients for mashed potatoes: butter, milk, basil, parsley, pepper. Mash everything together into a creamy potato and corn mash.

Gravy

Boil water, mix in bouillon. This will be added to the roux to make the gravy.

For the roux, melt 4 tablespoons (1/2 cup) butter at medium heat in a large cast iron skillet. Continue stirring the melted butter, and mix in the flour, a little at a time. This will become a thick roux. Add bouillon water, a little at a time, and whisk vigorously until it thickens into gravy. Mix in pepper, garlic powder and ground sage. If the gravy is too thick, add more water and whisk until it reaches the right consistency.

Bowl Topping

Prepare the bowl. Start with a layer of mashed potatoes and gravy, then add corn. Add a layer of chicken pieces. Sprinkle shredded cheese over the chicken, and top it off with more gravy. Add ground black pepper and salt (optional). Serve while still hot.

bowl2.jpg


A Failure Bowl with More Fail

failurebowl.jpg

If you don't want to take the time to make each ingredient in this dish from scratch, give this one a try:

Now, I should mention that you could prepare this yourself without the pre-packaged ingredients, and it would probably be more nutritious and healthy that way. But that would negate the entire point of the KFC Famous Bowl: fast food thrown together in a single bowl for your convenience.

This recipe shows that the KFC bowl is really just a shepherd's pie made with chicken nuggets instead of ground beef. Simply prepare the mashed potatoes, open the package of chicken nuggets and the can of corn, and lay them out in a 12-to-15 inch cooking pan. Be sure to drain the sweet corn but not the creamed corn, so it won't be watery. Start with a layer of mashed potatoes, then a layer of corn, then a layer of chicken nuggets. In a separate bowl, mix the beef bouillon into the gravy. Pour the gravy over the nuggets, and top it off with another layer of potatoes. Spread the shredded cheese over the top layer of potatoes.

Bake in the oven at 350 degrees for 30 minutes, until the cheese is melted.

The portions shown here will give you two or three heaping bowls of failure. Scoop it out, add salt and pepper and whatever seasonings you like, and serve.

(An addition suggestion from an anonymous contributor: "If you truly want an authentic KFC experience, I suggest adding a cup of ground pepper, and cook it for two hours to get that nice, crunchy, dried-out consistency.")