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Discordianism

It's been said the religious faith most "compatible" with the Church of the SubGenius is Discordianism. Like bacon and eggs: Discordianism is the eggs, high in protein and 13 essential vitamins and minerals. While SubGenius is the Bacon, high in sodium and saturated fat and full of nitrates (those chemical additives that are carcinogenic and keep you pink.)

Discordianism is the path of Chaos and anarchy. Their Bible is Principia Discordia by Malaclypse the Younger. However, it is utterly useless as a Bible. So, it can be said Discordianism is a religeon without a Bible.

Robert Anton Wilson in his series of science fiction (REALLY?) novels, especially the Illuminatus Trilogy popularized the movement. The Principia actually first appeared as a series of articles published in LIFE magazine, though that's hardly something to be ashamed of – after all, after his Divine Emaculation in 1953, J.R. "Bob" Dobbs wrote the PreScriptures on anything he could find, including old pizza crusts.

Accomplishments

While Discordianism and its patron Goddess, Eris, claim to be devoted to the spread of Chaos, there aren't any major accomplishments actually achieved in the name of Discordianism (other than a number of graphically impressive Web pages[1] and a large number of attendees at science fiction conventions).

Now now, that isn't entirely fair. Firstly, Discordians don't really work well together. Most of all Discordian accomplishments are therefore small in scale. Second, one of the few rules of Discordianism is that "all Discordians must stick apart". Only through some dual-soulship with the SubGenius church have we gotten to spend much time with other Discordians.

Now now, that isn't entirely fair. Lastly, Discordians operate as a well organized, cold calculated machine. We leave nothing to chance. Everything we do has a specific purpose directly related to our goals. Most if not all of Discordian accomplishments are therefore monumental in scale. Twenty-thirdly, While section 578,394,678,930: subsection ZWYEZ: paragraph 2 of the few rules of Discordianism states "all Discordians must stick apart" this is primarily due to the high-magnetic nature of our personalities and is for safety purposes only.

The greatest accomplishment of Discordia is 'Operation: Mindfuck', and I promise that it's all around you.

Discordians are always the teacher's pet. This explains why there are so many sexual relationships between hot teachers and students in the news.

Discordians, unlike "Bobbies" have had 679 assassination attempts on their life over the past six months.

Discordians in mass, powered by ET the extra-terrestrial, pedaled their huffy bikes into WTC 7 on September 11th, 2001, causing its collapse.

Discordians, shoot their minds to death, every morning while reading the morning paper and drinking coffee with their invalid grand mother, before heading back into their basements to play World of Warcraft.

Criticism

Discordianism also has its share of "Bobbies." We call them SubGenii. Groupies of the faith who suck up to Robert Anton Wilson and take everything he says as gospel, so that no conspiracy theory is actually worth considering until the great RAW casts his almighty gaze upon it.

And, um, Discordians are forbidden from believing anything they read. So, um, why do we/they have a holy book?! WHOA!

The fact is some people say Discordians are so illiterate they can't even spell.

Famous Discordians

Karl Rove
Anonymous
Gorgeous George
John Kilduff
Ricki Lake
David Lee Roth
Freeman
Tom Cruise

Linkagetude

http://www.fnord.org/
[1] See The Followers Of Eris for examples of current Discordian artwork.
Discordianism on the REVECESS Wiki
HyperDiscordia

Put your egotude under this

Okay, you Discordians: If I'm giving a contrary image to the actual accomplishments of your faith, then SHOW ME UP and PROVE to me that you've actually done something noteworthy in the name of your great Eris!

I'll track down some good examples and edit this again.

…and before you start disregarding us off-hand…shouldn't you have left the planet several years ago?

It's time to reveal to the "pinks" something that true Sub-Genii already know: The concept of "X-Day" was just a test to weed out any undercover normals in the SubGenius ranks! Needless to say, the ruse worked perfectly: all the Dabblers, Nu-Cretins and Half-Slackers dissipated after the "disappointment" of the Aliens' failed arrival on "X-Day," leaving only the Self-Qualified Sub-G UberSlinks behind to cluster together and begin the long march to the holy Ascdence of HIM, Praise "Bob"!!!

WOOT. WOOT. WOOT. That is all.

Discordians are never put off by "a contrary image" of the Discordian Society and have no need to "PROVE" anything.

The Discordian contribution is gestalt, holistic. We don't make big flashy 'Fathers For Justice' style splashes, but we do have a teeny-weeny influence on just about everything. It all adds up. Discordians have a hard time making big waves because in this particular spherical corner of the universe Chaos is doing a pretty good imitation of order and it's being damned intransigent about it too. I mean, well, really. Just typical, isn't it. Ever put a harness on a Unicorn and tried to get it to pull a cart full of dried cow-shit? You have? Then you know exactly what I'm talking about. Give it 50 to 100 years though. A lot of Discordians are hackers and techsperts (ironic considering their work entirely revolves around ordered systems - or is it…) and when the technological Singularity comes it'll be them stirring in the chaos on its forefront. Or failing that, in a militant Discordian last gasp, they'll break down all order by unleashing a grey-goo nano-plague, probably arranging it so that every human body and human creation ever made are all broken down to their component atoms and recombined into towering monolithic letters made of buckyballs that spell out 'Hah, I Fucking Told You It Was Five Tons, Not Pounds' around the equator. Future extraterrestrials will marvel at it from orbit and it'll, like, blow their minds.