Book Excerpt: Coincidance: A Head Test, by Robert Anton Wilson, published 1988 by Falcon Press (First Edition), Phoenix, AZ
Page 201-202:
I have saved the best -- or worst -- for last. The Church of the Sub-Genius in Dallas has borrowed a bit from all of the above, and from every other religion on the planet, uses high-powered advertising techniques in the style of the most aggressive Christian Evangelists, and promises in capitals to teach you the secret of POWER! and SEX! and SUCCESS! and MONEY! It will also put you in touch with SUPERHUMAN FORCES, save you from THE CONSPIRACY, and even show you how to achieve SLACK and literally get something for nothing. That is admittedly a tall order, but the founder, J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, is no ordinary mortal. In fact, it is far from clear whether anybody has actually ever seen "Bob" at all, at all, and Sub-Genius advertising darkly hints that before an ordinary human can survive a meeting with "Bob" it is necessary to go to Dobbstown, located somewhere in South America, and have special surgery to "open the third nostril." Even then, it is warned, you might come back from such a Close Encounter with inflamed eyes, headache, total or partial amnesia, and other stigmata of UFO contactees, and you will probably be harassed by agents of THE CONSPIRACY who will appear at your door pretending to be Jehovah's Witnesses and try to get inside to brainwash you.
J.R. "Bob" Dobbs (right) was allegedly an ordinary aluminum window-siding salesman until 1957 when he met L. Ron Hubbard -- founder of the more famous Church of Scientology -- and learned the Secret of Power. "Bob" is now fabulously rich, maybe even richer than Hubbard, and offers to teach you the Secret too, in various books and pamphlets ranging in price from $1 to $25. It is admitted frankly that these Metaphysical Works look "incomprehensible" or "nonsensical" to the unenlightened, but it is firmly promised that if you buy enough of them, keep them in loo, and consult them often, you will eventually get SLACK and understand the Secret and how to use it.
I think I have found the Secret of Power. It is in one of the cheaper Sub-Genius publications More Quotes and Gloats from "Bob" and it reads, "You know how dumb the average guy is? Well, by definition, half of them are even dumber than that." Then again, it might be in other gems of Dobbsiana such as "Don't just eat a hamburger -- eat the HELL out of it," or "Fuck them if they can't take a joke," or maybe even the Dark Saying, "GOD spelled backwards is DOG, but BOB spelled backwards is still BOB."
None of this brings you to SLACK, you can buy the thicker, pricier Sub-Genius publication, where you will encounter a whole cosmology, philosophy, and eschatology, involving Jehovah 1, "Space-God," who escaped a looney-bin in another galaxy; Eris, goddess of Chaos, borrowed from the Discordians; Spider Man; The Incredible Hulk; and Bob's cosmic struggle with THE CONSPIRACY, which includes all the leaders of the rival churches and sects, along with the Rockefellers, the Bilderburgers, the Illuminati, Evil UFOs, Nazi Hell Creatures, and Communist Clones. You are also repeatedly warned that the world may end tomorrow, and it will take longer than you expect and be much more painful than anyone imagines, but even that doesn't matter if you get SLACK.
Getting SLACK -- like getting Enlightened in Oriental mysticism or getting IT from Erhard Seminar Training (est) -- cannot be described in words or understood by rational intellect; it must be experienced. It involves understanding that the universe is made up of two entirely opposed but complementary forces, like the Chinese Yin and Yang or the Discordian Hodge and Podge. The two forces are actually Something and Nothing which is why if you look around you always see Something on a background of Nothing. When you are in balance between Something and Nothing, you have SLACK, and can get Something for Nothing, and become as rich as "Bob," Rajneesh, L. Ron Hubbard, or the Pope.
Or as "Bob" sums it up elsewhere, "Hell, it's even more relative than Einstein realized."
In the profane world, while "Bob" remains aloof and invisible, the Church of the Sub-Genius operates out of Post Office Box 140306 in Dallas, where the mail is picked up by two local advertising executives -- who pass it on to "Bob," I guess.
Curiously, there is already a Stamp Our Bob (SOB) movement, distributing anti-Sub-Genius propaganda and warning that this "evil cult" is only a moneymaking scheme. You can order a packet of educational anti-Bob literature for $15 from SOB, Post Office Box 140306, Dallas -- which seems to be the address of the people representing "Bob." That's odd, isn't it?
The Church of the Sub-Genius alleges that it has 10,000,000 members, but I frankly doubt it. However, they do have many members in influential places, as was indicated recently when the new "Jackintosh" computer from Atari came on the market. Trying to run an ordinary program on Jackintosh, users were abruptly given a short, sharp shock when the machine instead printed out 100 pictures of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs himself. The Atari people are still trying to find out which employee slipped that bug into the software.