Village Voice Literary Supplement: March 1984
My heritage as a middle-American from the middle of the Midwest might seem banal. Sure, it was all Little Lulu, shopping malls, and late night television ads. But that stuff isn't junk! It contains SECRET MESSAGES FROM THE GODS. And for anybody who's never noticed those messages -- Hallelujah! -- the Church of the Subgenius reveals the way, the truth, the life.
The congregation of Subgeniuses really LOOKED at the cheesy '50s ads for Jell-O, Trim-Yr-Waist, and Spam, and they really LOOKED at a thousand grade-B sci-fi flicks and they really LOOKED at their Dick and Jane primers...and the scales fell from their eyes! Because somewhere in all of them was the SAME GUY. It was "Bob": the guy who posed as the typical adult back in the days when there were teenagers. IT'S A MIRACLE!! "Bob" -- grinning, square-jawed, smoking a pipe -- appearing in all the stuff that was supposed to be making us "normal." The Church of the Subgenius worships "Bob."
The Book of the Subgenius is a spinoff of a Church publication called The Stark Fist of Removal. Its authors: the Subgenius Foundation, located in Dallas. Whoever they are -- fanatics who make good jokes or jokers who make good fanatics -- it's glorious to behold this work emanating from the heartland. Out there -- my home! -- pop culture weirdness passes for normal. The Kens and Barbies of the world pass for normal! Their abnormality is what PUNK began to reveal before it turned into mere style in big cities, before ancient teenage memorabilia got cool in clubland. Look at a fossil 45 like the Sex Pistols' "Holiday in the Sun," decorated with pictures of "nice" "normal" people. Look at the cover of the first Devo LP. Could it be?!? "BOB""!!? The Anti-"Bob"?
For anyone who's read a little Zen and some Robert Anton Wilson, The Book's theology won't be too original. It's like a conspiracy theory that goes with the flow. and sure these are E-Z WHILE-U-WAIT answers to the meaning of life (and those mysterious cattle mutilations) presented in National Enquirerese. But! What other religion promises "BETTER SEX IN SECONDS" and "instant luck at the races"? The Book also offers a full cast of good and bad gods, splashy rituals like "bobtism" (the anointee is dressed in a golfing outfit), a plan to save YOU at the end of the world, proof that YOU might be descended from the Abominable Snowman, and a way to buy "BOB" T- shirts -- all this embellished with sacred clip-art arrangements and other found poetry for the eyes. "Bob"'s "subliminal appearance in ads has formed the visual backdrop of your life." One of the best features of The Book is this Bad Art, which takes up -- I promise -- nearly half of every page.
A trip from cover-to-cover is rough because The Book contradicts itself here and there (evidence of a SIXTIES influence -- must have been put together by a collective). And there's so much sightseeing on every page. Just flip through looking for sample Beliefs: "The idea is to make PLAY into a paying profession or Life Scam...It's the simple Taoist principle of wu-wei: 'Doing Nothing Effectively.'" Next page says, "THROW THIS BOOK AGAINST THE WALL RIGHT NOW." Catch that picture of the tortilla where "Bob's" face appeared to a Mexican woman in 1963. Read the warnings about the Anti-"Bob" decorated with slogans from shampoo and tire ads. Notice that the Happy Face, the Ten Commandments, and the cheeseburger all have equal weight in the "Bob" cosmology. Flip ahead to "DATELINE FOR DOMINANCE" -- predictions up to 1996, with some that have ALREADY come true. Discover how a Subgenius's foot also acts as a gland. Study the subchapter on delusions, with its mantra "LEE HARVEY OSWALD, ACTING ALONE, MURDERED PRESIDENT KENNEDY."
See, there's fun on every page, but it CAN get confusing. The Church advertises itself as an inherently bogus religion, then says "this is no joke...only the foulness of your programming keeps you from believing." Do I "believe?" Hey, I grew up on teen idols and Sunday School tracts. What's one more guy served up on cheap paper?