The First Online Church of "Bob" Ministry
The First Online Church of "Bob" is an Internet SubGenius ministry dedicated to TOTAL WAR against the Conspiracy, its minions, and all who seek to steal away our Slack by forcing their beliefs of "right" and "wrong" upon us and telling us how to think. This church had its beginnings in 1987 when its founder, Reverend Modemac (that's me), first went online, and it blossomed into flower in 1994 when I truly discovered "Bob" and became an ordained minister of the Church of the SubGenius. In that time, I have seen much and learned much, and I give thanks to the Net for changing my life.
My first online forays were back during the days when BBSes were popping up all over the place, and 2400 baud modems were considered the cutting edge of technology. I bought my first PC in March of 1987, and I was royally screwed when I did so because after only a week I realized I needed to upgrade my system. Still, my 1200 baud modem was enough to suit my needs, and I first went online on the 4th Dimension BBS of Cambridge, Massachusetts. I was a regular participant on D-dial, and I was also a remote sysop for the Boston Gull BBS, as well as a participant in Boston Citinet. But the 4th Dimension was the BBS that helped me through my online growing pains: I ran several online role-playing games, which were reasonably popular, and it was through there that I first connected to Fidonet. I begame a regular participant in the Fidonet FILM Echo, and I made many friends there, especially Bill Warren, Dan Kimmel, Mat Hough and Bettina Helms (Laddict). I developed a passion for movies through my participation in the FILM Echo, one that remains with me to this day.
My love for movies, however, was preceded by a love for animation and animated films, and I was also a participant in the Fidonet TOONS Echo, as well as a member of the (now-defunct) Boston Japanimation Society. It was through the BJS that I met Dave Moisan, who in turn introduced me to Emru Townsend, one of the foremost members of animation fandom in Canada (indeed, in the Western Hemisphere). It was also through the BJS that I met the Preacher Creature, an outrageous fellow who showed me a weird book and sold me a button containing the image of a man named J.R. "Bob" Dobbs. (This was in 1990.) My first thought upon seeing the smiling face of this Pipe-smoking guy was, "He looks like the Generic 'Dad' of 1950s TV sitcoms." The Preacher Creature explained the basics of the Church of the SubGenius to me, and I thought it was quite clever as well as pretty funny, though I didn't think much more about it for the next few years. Every so often I would see a reference to the Church of the SubGenius on the various bulletin boards, and I saw the Book of the SubGenius on sale at my local comic book store. I would think to myself, "I should buy that book," but I didn't.
My first exposure to the Internet came through Channel 1 Communications, one of the largest PCBoard BBSes in the country (and no relation to Channel One, that "news" station that brings television - and television commercials - into the classroom). I first gained access to Usenet through Channel 1 in 1992, where I soon learned about the more popular film-related newsgroups, such as rec.arts.movies, alt.cult-movies and rec.arts.animation.
It was at this time that I began attending Emerson College. It was here that I was fortunate enough to take a class taught by Rick Dagwan, one of the best teachers I ever had. He had dedicated himself to opening his students' eyes and making them see the injustices that we put up with every day in this world, by using his media criticism courses as a way of showing how we are being manipulated and tricked every day, by people and corporations who care about nothing other than making money. He made me into a skeptic, and he made me realize the existence of the Conspiracy.
Unfortunately, Rick was fired from Emerson because his teaching methods were consirered too controversial by the establishment: his use of deliberately shocking images (including brief exposure to - gasp! - pornography) and his pride in being gay upset a few people, despite the fact that many of his students over the years had showered him with praise (and he showed us copies of earlier student evaluations of his courses to prove it). Some of us attempted to protest the college to convince them to keep him, but our efforts were (sadly) tentative and halting. Rick finally left, and I haven't seen him since. This is something I regret, and I would like to find a way to get in touch with him again, somehow.
Meanwhile, in 1993 I received an unexpected surprise: my brother and I were browsing through the Buck-a-Book discount bookstore in the Cambridge area (Buck-a-Book is a prime source for Slack!) one day, when he found a copy of the Book of the SubGenius on sale for one dollar. He showed it to me, knowing how I had pointed out "Bob" a few times in the past. I snatched the book up and bought it...after all, what's a buck these days? Plenty, as it turned out. I enjoyed the book immensely, and I thought the message of the Church of the SubGenius was a good one. This was back when memberships in the Church were still $20, and every so often I would look through the Book and say, "I should really send in the money and get ordained." But still I didn't...
...until the day in February, 1994, when Buck-a-Book came through again! This time I was browsing the store in the business district of Boston during my lunch hour, when I came across the book that was to change my life: High Weirdness by Mail. (Three-Fisted Tales of "Bob" was also on sale for a buck that day, but I didn't get it yet.) I picked it up and said to myself, "I really should get this - it's only a buck!" and I bought it. A good omen occured right there at the cash register: the cashier saw the book and he said, "That is such a GREAT book! I've gotten so much weird stuff from that book...my neighbors think I'm crazy!"
So I read the book...and I WAS STRUCK BY A REVELATION! The rightings within this Sacred Tome were as much of an eye-opener as Rick had been! The chapter on dangerous hate groups alone was worth the cost of the book (the full cost, that is - not just a buck), and the book's musings on the philsophies of life and what is good (and what isn't) helped me to truly read between the likes of the Book of the SubGenius at last. YES! I was struck by the reality of the true meaning of the Church of the SubGenius...and it was good! It was something I already believed in! It was a cause worth sending money to! Within the next week, I finally wrote out my $20 and mailed it in to the Sacred P.O. Box. I also went back to Buck-a-Book and got "Three-Fisted Tales" before it vanished, though I thought (and still think) that it wasn't as good as first two books had been.
April, 1994 was a pivotal month for me. Three major events happened then: 1) I repented, QUIT MY JOB, and slacked off. I had been working as a stupid file clerk for a bank in Boston for several years, and I had learned a long time ago that I do not want to be a banker. In addition, the pressure was on my department: people were being laid off, the workload was increasing for everyone left, and I felt like I had been cast aside by the Corporate BigWigs. So I finally quit and went off in search of greener pastures. I'm still looking now, but at least I'm not a slave to that Conspiracy hive any longer...2) My official Ordainment Package as a Minister of the Church of the SubGenius finally arrived! I had truly become one of "Bob's" soldiers!...and 3) I gained full, complete, unlimited access to the Internet at last. Channel 1 had given me access to Usenet, but it wasn't enough, so I finally signed up with an Internet service provider. I soon learned of the vast resources available on the Net...and I was overwhelmed!
So with time on my hands, and with the enthusiasm of a newbie, I set out to form my own SubGenius online ministry: the First Online Church of "Bob."
As a testimonial to the sincerity and righteousness of the SubGenius philosophy, I can also thank "Bob" for bringing me together with the one person who has truly changed my life: the Queen of the Fucking Universe. She is my Queen, and I hope I will never stop loving her. When X-Day comes, she will be there with me on the Pleasure Saucers...OR KILL ME!
Since its foundation, First Online Church of "Bob" has made its presence somewhat known on the Net. I proudly proclaim several major accomplishments since the foundation of my ministry:
- The explosion of alt.slack. Until mid-1994, alt.slack had been a whining, pitiful, Slackless waste, full of casades and "Bobbies" making jokes about Barney the Dinosaur. I was one of several mutants who kick-started the newsgroup and made it into a true online source for Slack. Alt.slack has never been better!
- Participation in FurryMUCK. One of the biggest (and best) of the MUDs, FurryMUCK is a non-combat, (mostly) social area where many friendships have been formed...and sometimes grown into something more. I built a SubGenius temple on FurryMUCK called the Temple of Divine Furversion; drop by and take a look at it sometime. I've become acquainted with many interesting, weird, and wonderful folks on Furry.
- The creation of a fair-sized number of newsgroups, some of which have become quite successful on their own. The First Online Church of "Bob" is responsible for the creation of:
alt.animation.spumco
alt.binaries.pictures.astro
alt.binaries.multimedia.erotica
alt.binaries.fonts
alt.binaries.slack
alt.destroy.the.internet
alt.fan.godzilla
alt.fan.traci-lords
alt.fan.tarantino
alt.fan.zoogz-rift
alt.food.chocolate (now replaced with rec.food.chocolate)
alt.games.illuminati
alt.health.oxygen-therapy
alt.movies.hitchcock
alt.movies.scorsese
alt.movies.silent
alt.movies.tim-burton
alt.movies.indian
alt.music.marilyn-manson
alt.religion.broadcast
alt.religion.secular.atavism
alt.religion.christian.boston-church
alt.religion.orisha
alt.romance.online
alt.slack.goathead
alt.video.tape-trading
Some of these newsgroups were created for fun; some were created because I liked the idea and/or thought that a need for the group existed; and some were groups that I wanted to create.
- The war against the Church of Scientology. This Rival Cult is attempting to censor the entire Internet to keep people from discussing its activities and learning the truth about its beliefs, practices - and prices. I am proud to host the unofficial Introduction to Scientology Web page, a site designed especially for beginners and neophytes to this controversial and confusing subject. If you're curious as to why Scientology is being discussed all across the Net, take a look at this site. I include links to Web pages on both sides of the issue -- both for and against Scientology -- and I encourage everyone to form their own opinions. I especially encourage you to read the newsgroup alt.religion.scientology. The best of luck to all who choose to become involved.
- The new media announcement newsgroups misc.news.internet.announce and misc.news.internet.discusss. These groups were created to allow the users of the Internet - namely you - to report on the latest breaking news stories taking place on the Net. With nearly 20,000 newsgroups in existence on Usenet alone, in addition to the World Wide Web and IRC and the MUDs and the rest of the Net, it is very easy for an interesting story to be overlooked by journalists (especially when they spend much of their time looking for more "cyberspace child stalkers and pornographers"). These newsgroups were created in an attempt to encourage people to bring their news to the media. We are currently working to make these newsgroups more widely known, and we need your help to do so.
- As a lover of motion pictures, I enjoy discussing and writing about movies. While I'm no Pauline Kael, I've founded a popular Web site devoted to the awe-inspiring movie 2001: A Space Odyssey, entited 2001 and Beyond the Infinite. The success of this page suggests that I've encouraged others to think about the movie and gain new insights into its meaning...and, hopefully, into their own lives as well. The message of 2001 is one that could be applied to our lives to make this world a more Slackful place...perhaps even a world where people find a passion more exciting than war?
- Meanwhile, the online activism of this ministry in the defense of the Internet has led to the formation of the legendary cadre of virtual warriors for "Bob" known as S.P.U.T.U.M.: the SubGenius Police, Usenet Tactical Unit (Mobile). This Usenet police force was formed to cleanse the newsgroup alt.binaries.slack of all traces of Pinkness, especially spammers, warez piratez, make-money-fast losers, newsgroup flooders, trollers, and all other minions of the Conspiracy. As the creator of the newsgroup alt.binaries.slack, I am proud to perform my duties as a card-carrying member and Unit XXIII of S.P.U.T.U.M. (It should be noted that S.P.U.T.U.M. is a network composed entirely of volunteers. We have no leader [save only J.R. "Bob" Dobbs] and we accept no orders from anyone, nor do we use the name of S.P.U.T.U.M. to claim authority over anything except our newsgroup).
-Since 2001, I've also become an administrator at Wikipedia. The famous online encyclopedia is quite addictive, and if you've been there for any amount of time, you'll understand the temptatation. You'll find yourself running to Wikipedia to check up on any little subject, from soap operas to Martin Scorsese to "crypto-revisionism." The success of Wikipedia inspired me to make a major upgrade to my Web site in 2004, to allow for easier editing, faster updates, and contributions from outside visitors. Thanks to the ease and simplicity of wiki-based Web utilities, I have been able to launch The High Weirdness Project, a follow-up to (and tribute to) the holy SubGenius tome High Weirdness by Mail.
- Perhaps the greatest achievement of the First Online Church of "Bob" is the Usenet newsgroup soc.support.youth.gay-lesbian-bi. This newsgroup is one of the finest online examples of people helping people, and the stories posted to there are certain to make you cry - both with sadness, and with joy. I am proud to have played a role in the creation of this newsgroup, and I firmly believe that the kind souls who voted for its approval have helped to save the life of at least one person.
My efforts in contributing to the flow of Slack across the Net have reinforced my belief that this medium can be an outstanding tool for enlightenment and opening people's minds. Whether it stems from analysis of a ground-breaking movie, thus giving birth to concepts and ideals a person might not have considered before; or if it comes from saving lives, helping young people to realize that suicide is not the answer, or revealing the truth about dangerous criminal organizations; or if it merely comes from participation in online discussion fora: The Internet is one of the greatest sources of Slack that has ever existed. And SLACK is what will win the battle against the forces of the Conspiracy.
The ultimate goal of the First Online Church of "Bob" is the COMPLETE AND UTTER DESTRUCTION OF THE CONSPIRACY. While this goal may not be attained before X-day, it is still a noble cause, and one worth fighting for. Through my online ministry and my spreading the gospel of "Bob," I hope to make that goal a reality.
Reverend Modemac
February 26, 2005
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